mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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