and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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