I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
