the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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