somebody snuck up and got me drunk
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just high enough for therapy.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
