maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
