There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
