Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Randomize
