Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
