I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
