I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
