Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize