I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
