I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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