So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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