i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she looked like the before picture.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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