I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
