you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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