he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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