brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
This house was built for laser tag.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Still dying that you shit outside
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
