I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
