Its about making memories worth repressing
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
