I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize