her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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