he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
