capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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