I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
