I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
