i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
