We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
