God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
