This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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