Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize