I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dignity is for republicans.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
