So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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