I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I CAN MOONWALK!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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