Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
