Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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