arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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