Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
