put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
