i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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