my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
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It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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