need another drink. this is the easiest way
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
