I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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