Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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