i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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