i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
