Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
