I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
