also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
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The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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