bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
