So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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