took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
