i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ketchup is God's man juice
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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