Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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