I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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