Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
