So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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