Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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