Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
