I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
how does that bad decision feel?
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