The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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