I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
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This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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