My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
