I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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