if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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